Transformation is a funny thing. Just when you think you have reached the mountaintop, there is another steep cliff or bend in the way that knocks you down. I have come a long way to get to some emotional and physical strength. My life, I feel is in a turn around… sometimes feeling like its moving at the speed of light and other at a snail’s pace.
Just 3 months ago, I could not feel my feet. My logical brain and my emotions did not connect. I was overthinking and over analyzing. Energy would not flow in or out of my body, until something broke. I felt compelled to cry. I felt the need to purge and give up my old energy. It was physically and emotionally no longer possible for me to continue my life pretending to be the mountain that I myself couldn’t climb if I imagined it. The release of emotional and some physical pain was overwhelming.
Everyday since then I would receive an insight about my life, and everyday, I would shed old energy and patterns. The breaking point for this release was choosing to connect with the body I had abandoned. Energy healing, yoga and therapy have begun to bring everything into balance. Unfortunately, reconnecting with the body is a painful experience where many tears have been shed in my yoga and meditation practice. Even so, I am floating. I feel the energy pulsing through my head, bubbles in my core and pins in my feet. Its beautifully scary and humbling to (re)awaken.
Tonight, I come back to earth as a hot-air balloon after my yoga practice. The energy around my head and shoulders feel like its swaying in the wind, with cold bursts of energy entering my head. I feel alive, but surreal. My feet feel tiny and wobbly. How is it that I will balance hot-air with 2 small wobbly feet for a basket? I realized that feet in the air or in the ground can still be connected to the earth around it. As long as I am connected with the fire in my body (soul/core), I needn’t worry about it. Tomorrow’s a new day. New steps and stronger fire.