My Invisible Map

We all travel our paths, some known, others not.  Often we have forks in the road that we are unaware of.  Often we feel stuck and frustrated because it feels we keep going in circles.

Trust is what is needed here.  Trusting my intuition, my knowing.  Trusting my guides, human and spiritual, that they are bringing me to the path.  I want to believe that they are right, but I have been down so many other paths and have gotten lost, it is hard for me to trust anyone, including myself.

These last weeks have been very frustrating for me.  I have this “knowing” that I going into the clear soon-meaning hopefully energetic stability-but the road is long, too long.  I confess, I have looked for help, but usually, it didn’t deliver.  I didn’t get the result I hoped for-full healing.  No, it was just a pat on the back that it will be ok.  Sometimes, I needed that, but other times, I just hoped that the healer, psychic would just make it go away.  That there would be an end in sight to my trauma, difficulties, etc.  I hope they will promise that I only have X-weeks to go and then I can magically return to a functionally normal life.

Return to normal-I hear that I have it wrong, now.  This process is about acceptance and the knowing that I will never be what I was, but I will live life in a new way.  I am burning my karma after all.  No more psychic debt to pay.  Like death, I don’t know what is on the other side.  Is it going to be true peace?  I keep praying for it.  However, my invisible map says that I only have a few more weeks/months to go, I don’t trust it.  I have been at the end of a healing process before only to rest and begin again.  It’s like the road on the map changed and I am sitting in the car shouting MotherF@%King S**%.

Today I called a psychic radio show (at least it was free!) and asked the question I have been asking forever now-where am I with my process.  When will I be done? The answer: “Yes you are in the middle of a great change.  The age of 35 is your karmic release (ok I know this).  You need to look into developing your healing methods for animals and humans.”  So, nice answers, but still it does not give me the solace I need.

For those who read this blog, please do help me and others like me by sending loving light, prayers to us that we can end this process.  That we can find peace.

This blog is not only words, but energy being released into the universe.  I believe I can get past this!  I know I am strong enough to survive this… I have gotten this far! I believe I just now I need to stop giving my power to the pain I feel and to the healers whom I ask for help.  It is within me and that is why I can.  God only brings us challenges that we can handle.

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3 thoughts on “My Invisible Map

  1. Hello dear

    I know this feeling so well.
    Would you believe me if I told you there is nothing wrong with you? Because it isn’t. Probably nothing causes more suffering and self hate than believing that there has to be something wrong with you and you have to change completely and work so hard to be good and right. Believe me I can sing you a song of this, I’m learning this lesson for a while now and begin to improve now.
    All we have is the moment the way it is. We are the universe, the universe is us, experiencing it self through all of us. We can trust it’s all perfectly in the most divine order.
    We tend to fight this feeling if we are stuck in such situations but this makes us not being a vibrational match to where we want to be.
    Embrace your situation, because it’s like everything we experience (whether we see it as good or bad) just that – an experience. Everything is meant to give us a chance to grow, become our next/new best version and learn to know ourselves anew once again.
    Distract yourself a bit if you feel stuck. Ask yourself what you like about yourself and your life. Maybe you want to write it down. That will help you line up better with the solutions for your situation.

    Much Love, Light and Inspiration
    Namasté ❤

    1. HI Filandra, I totally agree with you. My husband made a statement to me suggesting that maybe I am addicted to the feelings that I am in. Maybe I misunderstood him, but it did something anyway.
      You are right. We cannot change what we are feeling. Being sensitive beings and living on a changing earth is an exhausting process, to say the least. It is to accept and let go, but also set boundaries as to what you will let happen to you. Power is the lesson here for me.
      Affirmations and self-believe are getting me out of my dark hole the last two weeks. Exercise and rejoining the human race are also helping.
      Good to hear your process is getting better. I am starting to come into a sense of peace. I hope you are too.

      1. Well we don’t have to change our feelings as they change automatically I’d say.
        From my personal experience, I had the thought of being addicted to a certain feeling or poor state of being, about myself already. I came to the realization that I was stuck in a victim hood mentality. Beating myself down and carrying all the wight of the world on my shoulders, somehow gave me a glorious and heroic feeling. And one point why I was afraid to let go of this suffering was that I thought it’s all that I have, or even the purpose of why I was born.
        But no being is born to suffer. I leaned to embrace my emotions instead of seeing them as the enemy, And I still catch myself thinking like a grown up and talking myself out of feelings. Then I hold on for a moment and dive to the roots of the emotion to find out what it wants to tell me. And often this makes me realize deep truth about myself and changes my whole thinking about a situation or believe or plan or whatever.

        Do you know Teal Swan? I found her super helpful throughout my journey, to help me word things I couldn’t explain all my life before but also to shift my perspective and come to new realizations.
        As with every spiritual teacher you have to listen to your inner guidance whether a certain thing she says is right for you at this moment or not. It’s like these people offer tools but not every tool fits your current mission 🙂 but I bet you knew this already. 🙂 https://www.youtube.com/user/TheSpiritualCatalyst

        Yes I have it quite easy at times to find peace or at least acceptance for a situation, as I’ve been through so much harder phases last year, and the first months of this. Thanks you ❤

        Blessings of Love ❤
        Fillandra

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