We all travel our paths, some known, others not. Often we have forks in the road that we are unaware of. Often we feel stuck and frustrated because it feels we keep going in circles.
Trust is what is needed here. Trusting my intuition, my knowing. Trusting my guides, human and spiritual, that they are bringing me to the path. I want to believe that they are right, but I have been down so many other paths and have gotten lost, it is hard for me to trust anyone, including myself.
These last weeks have been very frustrating for me. I have this “knowing” that I going into the clear soon-meaning hopefully energetic stability-but the road is long, too long. I confess, I have looked for help, but usually, it didn’t deliver. I didn’t get the result I hoped for-full healing. No, it was just a pat on the back that it will be ok. Sometimes, I needed that, but other times, I just hoped that the healer, psychic would just make it go away. That there would be an end in sight to my trauma, difficulties, etc. I hope they will promise that I only have X-weeks to go and then I can magically return to a functionally normal life.
Return to normal-I hear that I have it wrong, now. This process is about acceptance and the knowing that I will never be what I was, but I will live life in a new way. I am burning my karma after all. No more psychic debt to pay. Like death, I don’t know what is on the other side. Is it going to be true peace? I keep praying for it. However, my invisible map says that I only have a few more weeks/months to go, I don’t trust it. I have been at the end of a healing process before only to rest and begin again. It’s like the road on the map changed and I am sitting in the car shouting MotherF@%King S**%.
Today I called a psychic radio show (at least it was free!) and asked the question I have been asking forever now-where am I with my process. When will I be done? The answer: “Yes you are in the middle of a great change. The age of 35 is your karmic release (ok I know this). You need to look into developing your healing methods for animals and humans.” So, nice answers, but still it does not give me the solace I need.
For those who read this blog, please do help me and others like me by sending loving light, prayers to us that we can end this process. That we can find peace.
This blog is not only words, but energy being released into the universe. I believe I can get past this! I know I am strong enough to survive this… I have gotten this far! I believe I just now I need to stop giving my power to the pain I feel and to the healers whom I ask for help. It is within me and that is why I can. God only brings us challenges that we can handle.