Change is not a punishment

Change as hidden  opportunities-so cliché. Suddenly I see the sign again. A friendly reminder not to beat myself up for all the changes and “missed” opportunities to save myself from serious pain. If I had only known where that decision would leave me. It led me to feeling less than perfect. It led me to feeling like a failure. It made me punish myself.

I forgot the rush new change can present. Change is inherently neither good or bad. It’s simply a change in direction. Mindset determines the outcome. My mindset was to succeed or die. So I succeeded and then I usually died. Ha!  Self fulfilling prophecy. Then I could blame everyone including myself for the death that caused me to “fail.”

So I am slowly relearning a new perspective in success and change. Change and grow. That’s my plan. I plan to feel things out than to take change on as a necessary chore meant to keep me down. I have the right to decide whether I want change or hidden opportunities. Am I changing out of fear, or am I holding on because of fear. Does this decision lead to joy, even on a minuscule level?

These thoughts feed my desire to stop dying, to stop clinging to the shit, to stop punishing myself for performing badly at change. I am actually really good at changing but not because I want to be. I am good out of dread and crisis management. “I just have to get through this.”  Well let me tell you, there ain’t nothin’ to get through!

Life is life. Live it well. Accept the change with love or move on. Most of all, remember to hug yourself for undertaking such work. We can never go back to change the change. I can decide now to love myself now, pick up the right pieces and see the opportunities in front of me.

I’ve dropped the hammer. Now learning how to carry on without picking it up again and travel light.


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