Waiting to be Released

Today I am not feeling much like myself.  I am tired and emotional.  Years of self punishment are pouring out of my skin.  I want to be active, efficient and productive, but my body and energy say, “No, not today.”

Today, I am practicing being filled with inspiration to guide my actions.  My kids are at school and later at the grandparents.  I asked God, now what do I do.  The answer was this:

Beingness is not always about saying things or sitting or trusting that you are so perfect.  It is more than that.  It is the pure existential question.  When going deep within, what do you find?  Do you find love?  It’s full of dark emptiness, that is sure, but inside the dark emptiness there is love and light.  How else would you find your way to the center?

I tell you now that you have done your work and will soon feel the radiance of love within.  Healing comes to you.  Bring yourself to peace.  Lay yourself down and feel the love sweep through you.  You alone are not the answer.  Many are being called.  Lay down and find the way. 

Today is your day of release.  Letting go old patterns of destruction and misalignment.  I hear you calling my name.  I am not willing to give you all you ask now.  It will come with time.  Healing is now most important.  You want to run.  You want to jump.  My aim is to give you inner peace and strength so that like a tiger you can pounce at the moment when you must shine. 

People wait for years for their moment.  You have waited also years.  I am saving you from your own pain.  Today.  Rest.  Give up.  Let God in. -channeled from guide

At the moment, I am busy finding my identity.  No longer do I want to go backwards.  I am too far.  Like a child being born, I can see the light.  I feel the pressure and I am almost out.  However, the baby doesn’t consider how she will be received.  No she is born with fear of the new world, yet has given up the safety of the womb for the light.  So here am I.  Waiting as I am being pushed out.  Not sure if I should run forward or hide.  Fully surrendered, yet going seemingly nowhere.  My i Ching reading today says it best,

Energy flows strongly into life’s landscapes, bring a great creative drive, from the source through towards fulfillment.  Following it means a willingness to honor the flow and align actions with it.  You can know your ideal, and then allow it to meld with the natural current, following signs and nudges and allowing them to draw  you onward.

Then, you may experience Following as an effortless flow of supportive synchronicities-or you may experience it as events unfolding in accordance with their own schedule, and failing to keep to yours.  It can seem as if simply allowing yourself to be guided by the current is not enough, and you out to be ‘doing something’. But movement with he creative process is not a mistake.

–number 17,  Iching with clarity

I am not alone in allowing the flow to direct .  I suppose just before the great wave of energy comes through, dissatisfaction sets in.  This is a good sign to just wait it out.  And like a new born, I will.

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