Sooooo…. Is probably the most socially awkward word you can imagine. If you get trapped in any awkward social encounter, it’s likely to show up with a beanie and possibly a stutter. This is me making new friends and at large social gatherings.
Somehow I am loveable enough to have bagged a really sweet Dutch guy-who seems very normal to the unaware but he has plenty of awkwardness to go around! He made sure to tell me that while I was crying about how I felt like I just dont fit in! If only people knew the gritty thoughts we share.
I am going to come out and just say it-I have attachment issues. That’s the purpose of this blog, isn’t it-to share brutally honest things about myself. It’s refreshing to cop to my MO of being an open book. (See what I did?-avoid my issues!)
So yeah, I have at first glance the appearance of a sparkling social butterfly. Everything goes fine until I actually like someone. Then, I super flounder. Nervousness takes over. I say the wrong thing, misread social cues, or cling to them like plastic wrap. Read Jenny Lawson’s book Furiously Happy to get a bettet description of all things awkward I feel in my body. Most recently, I heard that if I just BE my own wierd self I will fit in. Like attracting an awkward goth moth party. In the meantime, I am involved in a women’s social club hoping to catch some but I am reminded that similarly in high school, being a moth wasn’t always easy. Oh, fuck, I have made myself a moth.
Moths are not pretty like buttetflies. They bug you and leave dust everywhere if you smash them. On top of that they eat sweaters! It’s because of their excellent fashion sense.
As far as I am concerned, I am one if those moths camouflaged as a butterfly. That’s the awkwardness. When people see that I am a moth, they are a bit bewildered. Still I admirered for my colorful qualities but put aside because I am not the realy thing. And unlike that moth I am not really trying to hide myself.
Basically if you put me with a bunch of socially anxious goth moths, i would be fine. Most of my friends are into mysticism, NIN, rebels(and like Jenny Lawson) suffer from multiple disorders. We don’t really pretend to be normal, it’s just when the normal people find out we aren’t something goes wrong. I firmly believe we want to be friends with them, but the”normal” dont know how to be friends with us.
Ok, so attachment issues. Yes, a full avoidance. If you ever want to befriend me, I promise to hold space for you. Also know that due to some earlier described issues, I may need some light hand holding. And I am more than willing to provide the same in return! I’m looking for a set of friends, men or women, who possibly are ok with their own quirkiness, that can just hang out, watch movies, talk spiritual growth, business, art, food, travel, kids and all sorts of zaniness. Please know that direct communication works best since I get confused easily as to subtle social communication…
ok so my friend want ad is written. What could be more awkward than that? And if you’ve successfully made it through this blog post and enjoyed it, you might be a moth. Call me. We’re accepting members.
The cause of this blog: a very awkward social interaction by me at a halloween party 3 days ago. And this post was very cathartic. Ok now back to new things! Skip hop jump cuz it’s what awkward tigger moths do best!