The benefits of sharing grief

As someone who’s lost her mother at the age of 23 and my youngest brother at 13, accepting her death and her life was a difficult challenge that I am not sure everyone handled well. We did it in different phases. It’s taken us until about now to feel freed from the experience and turmoil it brought us. We’ve not been good at talking about it, especially my brothers.

I feel deeply proud that Harry, Will and Kate are publicly discussing mental health and overcoming grief.

The loss of a loved one will always be felt. I cannot go one day without thinking of my mom. What would she say, or do? Would see be proud if me or disagree? She’s always present in my thoughts. And sometimes I felt her presence. Watching this video, I can imagine what it was like for Diana to be there. Her sense of compassion still so strong in her men. And so it is with legacies, one star creates another.

The silver lining of losing you mother at an early age is you are more fiercely you. You know how short life is. You prepare for the eventuality of your own death or others. You learn how to connect with others emotions. Compassion grows. And for me, I have learned how to live life on my own terms, letting go of a good chunk of family programming that did not serve me. I realized some traditions did not fit how I’d like to live life. And I have the power to change all of it.

My first burnout was just after my mom died at the age of 24. She was my guiding light. I was so connected to her, I felt like I couldn’t breathe unless she told me who I was and what I should do. Striking if you saw how determined I was as a young woman. Then after her death, I list a total sense of my identity. I did everything I could to recreate her in my life. Every decision-what would she do; what would she buy; would she approve-bc thats the only way to live. If I didn’t I’d lose her to time forever.

Then total collapse and burnout.

That’s how I dealt with it.

Now I have accepted a lot. And her loss has been faded into time. Her impact can never ever fade. And I feel that her death was her greatest lesson to which I am most grateful. She’s still here in me and my kids. And I am at peace. It doesn’t really matter how old you are when you lose a parent, it will take years before it heals. But even more if you are a motherless child.

Please do not be afraid to share your story on fb. Or in a way that provides comfort to you. You heal the world with your own healing. Take a courageous step to do so. Your life will be better off for having done it.

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